Thomas Allan
Sting of Insecurity
Replaying the death of my sister
In horrifyingly graphic detail,
I’m sitting alone crying.
Then I pull up in embarrassment
At the thought I could be acting
To some invisible audience.
Entering a room full of my closest friends,
I’m stammering in the effort
To maintain a brave face.
A little choke and I’m gone.
Fleeing the room in shame,
Sighing violently.
Bursting through to the safety next door,
I’m afraid of this eerie languid atmosphere.
Eye contact and I’m receiving the same nervous
glance.
The intruder hacks at me manically.
Lost it and reeling away,
Rich red life is leaking to the floor
And seeping through my fingers.
Washing over my feet
And spattered against my walls.
Warm, wet and comforting
Though stinging immensely
And dragging me intensely.
As my clock ticks closer to death
I glance to the dark
Over my shoulder.
I’m thinking of dead seagulls
Lifeless on the beach,
Staring blankly,
Lifted occasionally by the incoming waves,
Bearing down on me since I was born.
My lungs and heart so perfect.
Speared by a lapse in security,
Leaving me nervously glancing over the edge.
Page(s) 113
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