David Gildner
Taken Suddenly
It would be pretty final,
not to say embarrassing
to be backed against a wall,
in a stinking dustbin-spilling alleyway
and riddled with bullets,
fired from an Uzi,
by an acne-covered youth,
mistaking me for a rival crack dealer.
It would also be pretty final,
not to say depressing
to be publicly beheaded
by an Imam dressed in black,
wielding a rusty sword
in the dusty market square of a small desert town,
for a slight indiscretion, involving
a few bottles of Johnny Walker Black Label whisky,
and witnessed by the faithful and their Sony camcorders.
It would also be pretty final,
not to say futile,
to be caught in a newsflash
and shredded by a one pound semtex device
packed with nuts and bolts,
while taking an after dinner stroll along the Shankhill
as I softly whistled the Londonderry Air
to prove a political point.
But not nearly as final,
embarrassing, depressing and futile,
as admitting that my
foaming, terminal madness
was without doubt caused
by my weakness for
those bloody Big Whatsit burgers.
Page(s) 19
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