From: Motionless Runner (1996)
Immobile on the Riverbank
HE WAS ALWAYS SEDUCED by stories of people to whom
nothing ever happened, people who lived wíthout the event of
their birth ever becoming noticed, people who never died because
no one ever felt their absence. Difficult stories, the most difficult of
all, told only with the mouth closed.
SITTING ON THE RIVERBANK, he gazes at the water
flowing toward the sea. He likes this uninterrupted flow of the
finite toward the infinite, this obsession of the ephemeral to
become perpetual. He likes it but it makes him sad because,
surrounded by the riverbanks of his body, he feels like stagnant
water, like a swamp, a pit.
IMMOBILE, HE RESIDES on the riverbanks, watching the
keels of ships passing overhead and salmon leaping against the
current. Having abolished breath and hearing, he sees the scent of
flowers and the singing of birds, along the banks, the heartbeat of
the hunted dear as it bends low, for a moment, to drink, and the
next moment, the acrid and murderous scent of the hunter, who
plunges, in the same water, his burning head.
He has no gills, he is not amphibious; simply, immersed; not
drowned, no; simply, immersed of his own will, permitting the
world to happen in his absence, overhead, while existing in rock
bottom, observing how the ceaseless flow makes the pebbles
rounder.
HE LIKES THE SEA. He looks at the waves come and go for
hours on end. He likes the sea because it allows him, or rather
imposes on him, not to think. The sea is the surest way toward the
stupidity he desires. Thought never turned out good for him; it led
him always to dead-ends, to desperation. That's why he loves the
sea, its ceaseless hypnotic back and forth, and his greatest
ambition is some day to become fish, with cold blood, with a tiny
slow mind and a voiceless speech.
SUNSTRIPPED AND STARSTRUCK, embraced by a
nature so overbearingly hospitable that she does not distinguish
him from her trees, he feels his roots invading gradually the earth
and hears the leaves of his heart rustling up an imperceptible
poem.
WITH THE USE OF ALCOHOL, he tries to tame the wild
days, since alcohol obviously has the capacity to repress the
extreme, almost maniacal, and certainly useless insistence of the
everyday to become eternal.
WHO COULD POSSIBLY locate the traces of a bird on the
sky, the traces of a fish in water? Yet, he seeks them out, believing
he could actually locate them. He believes he can scout the traces
of God upon his soul. He leaves, they say, deep tracks, like those
of a hunter on the snow, deep but temporary, since, just like the
snow, the soul melts fast.
WITH APATHY, he sees his dreams drowning. Hands in his
pockets, he observes them sinking out of sight. He has no rope to
throw them, something to grab hold, no life-jacket, no saving raft.
He stands there immobile, almost content, watching them drown.
Deep down, there is relief, a consolation, finally to be without
dreams, since dreams are known to have the ceaseless tendency to
get shipwrecked and you must ceaselessly engage in rescue
operations.
AND SUDDENLY, at eighty-five years of age, his father
stopped aging and began to wait for him so they could age
together.
Translated by Stathis Gourgouris
Page(s) 20-21
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