Andrew Robinson
Old School Memoir
Snooks (yes, he’s real, though History, being
merciful, has forgotten his true name)
got his member, swollen, excitingly
stuck in a milk bottle, the narrow necked
tall kind. Sister Boddy (actual name)
relieved (in the simply professional,
therapeutic sense) this schoolboy crisis.
Most of us, not as determined as Snooks,
made do with one another, or soft fruit:
Honeydew, Cantaloupe. Gaia, in that
order of preference. 0 how I still
in Fresh Produce can lightly run my warm
fingers & hands over Mister Tesco’ s
firm & available, moderately
priced, green flesh! - and then Miss Fist, coming first
& last, taught traditional best practice.
Til, in these latter days, such desperate
terms long since fully served, I come to read
in the paper, the heroic exploits
of [defamation deletion here] who
was apprehended by the farmer’s wife,
trouserless, wearing only hockey boots
& a track-suit top, carrying wellies,
in a field full of sheep. How good it is
to know the traditions of the Old School
are still upheld & growing, that it’s not
just upper lips that stay stiff. Though whether
our farmer’s wife counted herself in, or
lucky to have caught him out, History
cannot, or, if she can, she does not, or
does not just now, frustratingly, relate:
unless, of course, by some improbably
fertile coincidence, it’s Mrs Snooks.
Page(s) 17
magazine list
- Features
- zines
- 10th Muse
- 14
- Acumen
- Agenda
- Ambit
- Angel Exhaust
- ARTEMISpoetry
- Atlas
- Blithe Spirit
- Borderlines
- Brando's hat
- Brittle Star
- Candelabrum
- Cannon's Mouth, The
- Chroma
- Coffee House, The
- Dream Catcher
- Equinox
- Erbacce
- Fabric
- Fire
- Floating Bear, The
- French Literary Review, The
- Frogmore Papers, The
- Global Tapestry
- Grosseteste Review
- Homeless Diamonds
- Interpreter's House, The
- Iota
- Journal, The
- Lamport Court
- London Magazine, The
- Magma
- Matchbox
- Matter
- Modern Poetry in Translation
- Monkey Kettle
- Moodswing
- Neon Highway
- New Welsh Review
- North, The
- Oasis
- Obsessed with pipework
- Orbis
- Oxford Poetry
- Painted, spoken
- Paper, The
- Pen Pusher Magazine
- Poetry Cornwall
- Poetry London
- Poetry London (1951)
- Poetry Nation
- Poetry Review, The
- Poetry Salzburg Review
- Poetry Scotland
- Poetry Wales
- Private Tutor
- Purple Patch
- Quarto
- Rain Dog
- Reach Poetry
- Review, The
- Rialto, The
- Second Aeon
- Seventh Quarry, The
- Shearsman
- Smiths Knoll
- Smoke
- South
- Staple
- Strange Faeces
- Tabla Book of New Verse, The
- Thumbscrew
- Tolling Elves
- Ugly Tree, The
- Weyfarers
- Wolf, The
- Yellow Crane, The