Michael Bartholomew-Biggs
Process Of Elimination
Eventually,
whenever I approached his door,
I began indulging in the hope
of finding him not there -
and, you understand,
not just not there: not anywhere.
Rapture,
alien abduction,
spontaneous combustion,
or simple misadventure
leaving me an empty body
halfway down the stairs –
for none of these could I be blamed,
or blame myself.
Surprise would be my alibi:
even while I willed his non-existence
I knew quite well my will
had rarely proved effective.
At his threshold
I could focus briefly
on a middle distance
beyond the short and awkward
briar-patch of possibility
that fantasy might turn out true.
And there in open fields
the clichés romped:
I’d have those options
other people had;
to find him gone
would let me find myself
These rehearsals
of a tidy disappearance
were, I like to think,
a harmless way
of getting through some bad times
till something really happened.
Page(s) 15-16
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