The Memory of Nine Months in Water
The morning is a door in the moon when his small cries lick my
eyelid. Open the house to the window of his face wet already with
wanting to live. A day delicious with his fingers in my
heart. But always with the same push under the skin of sleep I
disengage my body from the long dream of itself.
He loves to see my face and its grey swelling. His hands
clap Out the magic I make at cot-side fairy- black. He has
learned to make himself the shape of crucifixion. The signal to
lift him into life and still make bodies from milk.
The stairs are hospital steep and even a breath could Jack and Jill us. I
cannot touch the safety over the side that I carry my son. Each
body must have only one half for the heavy heat of
children. We crack the code of the long-footed carpet in
darkness and slide down the wall for light. It stitches the
eye-sill open with wifely sense.
We come to the cold breath of the floor. The faces of time are from
Fairy-tales. You must put yourself into his mouth
to stop the pain of learning
to speak. You must solidify angels and mathematics in his wet chain of
events.
You must accept thoughtlessness : don’t turn on the television.
Hundreds of holy particles glitter from the nipple he gluts in
time. This pattern of silence is much like a quilt a piece donated
by many women all sewing their fingers to the fabric but only bleeding
lightly from
lips and eyes. You collect dirty syllables in the loving
of your pink hands and the places that will only be
clean when you learn to drown.
My eyes are a stencil of sleep and the recipe for tears is a diary
in my kitchen. You’ll have to explain the stickiness of whispers in
the toy-box words but you must never throw them or
put them in your mouth. They are stones and bones. And
watch for the edges of houses for they can stun
you. In the pictures your fingers wilt be sticks and your hair
will go on forever.
If I cannot sing lullabies I will die but I will have time to
go slowly. Soft apocalypse. Making up the house’s mind. The memory of
months in water nine months countless housed in water comes
back and continues to teach you things you needed to
live to learn. The nursery has a dull pink rhythm. Listen sent-i-
ment, sent-i-ment. If you put on a new dress it will be wet within a breath.
A stain spreads over your breast like the map of an undiscovered country
traced with
a fingertip in damp sand where only the two of you live.
You are the sealer of spells and the maker of strange deals in milk and
intimidation. The stairs outside his bedroom croak like souls
when you step on their uncovered faces. Laying him down is
a form of breathing and a form of loss.
Lullaby him with the dream of sleep that you will not get
as you listen to him sleeping. He pulls the knitted softness into
his mouth. When you come to him later his fingers have come out
through the spaces.
Page(s) 17-18
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