John Mole
Where There’s Blame, There’s a Claim
This is the internal rhyme of litigation
on afternoon TV. It chirrups
either side of Countdown:
Remember all that was done
that should not have been done
when life went into the back of you
and you chose not to complain.
Retirement in a cardigan
trimming the lawn’s edge,
why not be better off than you are
and at no expense? Each grey hair
has a number but ours is free-phone
so will cost you nothing.
The lines are open. Ring us now.
•
Hullo? This is the cardigan speaking
on behalf of us all. Thank you
for your concern, your time,
and the cut of your suit.
Really, though, it was nobody’s fault
that not one of us was looking
when the first accident occurred,
but now having caught a glimpse
of the stairlift through the keyhole,
the pensioned-off policeman
laying his patio, heard the chorus
of wrinklies who ‘really don’t
like to admit . . .’ we may well yet reach
for our couch potato guns
and go out blazing at the end.
For now, though, if you’ll excuse me,
there are small things to be done, small
cardigan things like scattering dry
crumbs for the birds or hanging
strips of bacon out of reach, but if the cat
should clatter through the flap
with flesh and feathers in its mouth
I’ll keep in mind that there may be blame
and might just think of calling you again.
Page(s) 71-72
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