A C Clarke
Last Visit
I forget the exhibition, but not you
smiling at gondolas plying the Clyde
in some artist’s fancy of future Glasgow.
You hadn’t smiled
the whole time you were with us until then.
It took me back to when you were a child,
all curls and grin, the future furled inside
you glossy, green.
We couldn’t have foreseen
the speed of withering –
you were so glad, in those days,
looking up from the bath, big-eyed
at the camera while your plastic toys
jostled around you; beguiled
by anything in motion
a butterfly or stinging insect; unspoiled
by knowing. You laughed often. If you cried
I don’t remember. Then
dad left. It was sudden –
for you an ending
where you couldn’t start again, not whole.
It was worse than if he’d died.
No-one explained. Life went on as usual
at least for a time but it had failed
you. Nothing to be done.
You took to truant ways, trailed
your needs like ragged hems. Mum tried
but didn’t know how. After she’d gone
you found she’d listed every one
of your promotions.
It made you weep, you said.
You’d left the army. With stubborn pride
you wouldn’t talk of that – instead
pretended you were happy, called
us sometimes. And things did begin
to go right. You had plans,
surprised us by coming to stay.
At the exhibition
you were almost yourself again.
Days later you were dead.
Page(s) 46
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