Joe Kitson
Agony Uncle (text)
Dear Captain Slaughter
Dear Captain Slaughter,
What an apposite name for a
glorious hero like your good self!
Anyway, to business!
Your judgment that every controversial
item or state secret should be turned into
acronyms is not a bad idea. You have
invented a new code which
crypto-analysts would find very hard to
crack, even if they were interested in
your – is it despatches or dispatches?
Y.A.A.M.B.W.H.G.N.H.V.A.A.C.M.
If you decipher this sentence I shall
have to emigrate to Kazakhstan (is that
state really called Berzerkistan by the
diplomats at the British Club?)
Anyway the arms trade and oil
and poppies get the blame for all recent
wars, and I haven’t got up the property
ladder sufficiently highly yet to have a
gun, a car or a hypodermic syringe. But
does that make me automatically
innocent? After all, I pay taxes to the
Browns, Mandelsons and
Darlings of this sinister world.
Your mollifier,
Uncle Joe Stetson
Page(s) 11
magazine list
- Features
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- 10th Muse
- 14
- Acumen
- Agenda
- Ambit
- Angel Exhaust
- ARTEMISpoetry
- Atlas
- Blithe Spirit
- Borderlines
- Brando's hat
- Brittle Star
- Candelabrum
- Cannon's Mouth, The
- Chroma
- Coffee House, The
- Dream Catcher
- Equinox
- Erbacce
- Fabric
- Fire
- Floating Bear, The
- French Literary Review, The
- Frogmore Papers, The
- Global Tapestry
- Grosseteste Review
- Homeless Diamonds
- Interpreter's House, The
- Iota
- Journal, The
- Lamport Court
- London Magazine, The
- Magma
- Matchbox
- Matter
- Modern Poetry in Translation
- Monkey Kettle
- Moodswing
- Neon Highway
- New Welsh Review
- North, The
- Oasis
- Obsessed with pipework
- Orbis
- Oxford Poetry
- Painted, spoken
- Paper, The
- Pen Pusher Magazine
- Poetry Cornwall
- Poetry London
- Poetry London (1951)
- Poetry Nation
- Poetry Review, The
- Poetry Salzburg Review
- Poetry Scotland
- Poetry Wales
- Private Tutor
- Purple Patch
- Quarto
- Rain Dog
- Reach Poetry
- Review, The
- Rialto, The
- Second Aeon
- Seventh Quarry, The
- Shearsman
- Smiths Knoll
- Smoke
- South
- Staple
- Strange Faeces
- Tabla Book of New Verse, The
- Thumbscrew
- Tolling Elves
- Ugly Tree, The
- Weyfarers
- Wolf, The
- Yellow Crane, The