Poetry Magazines - The best collection of poetry magazines online - Simon Armitage

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HELLO. THIS IS AN EXPERIMENT TO SEE WHETHER COMPUTERS CAN HELP DOCTORS TO DIAGNOSE ILLNESSES. WE WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE YOU TO HELP US WITH THIS. IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO WOULD YOU PUSH THE BUTTON MARKED ‘YES’, BUT IF YOU WOULD RATHER NOT, PUSH THE BUTTON MARKED ‘NO’, BUT WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO HELP US. IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT TO DO PRESS THE ‘?’ BUTTON. GO AHEAD AND PUSH ONE OF THE THREE BUTTONS? 0

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WE ARE TRYING TO FIND OUT IF COMPUTERS CAN HELP DOCTORS IN THEIR WORK AND YOU CAN HELP US BY TAKING PART IN THIS EXPERIMENT. IF YOU AGREE TO, PRESS THE YES BUTTON WHEN I HAVE FINISHED TYPING. IF YOU WOULD RATHER NOT, PRESS THE NO BUTTON, AND IF YOU STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND, PRESS THE QUERY BUTTON AGAIN. GO AHEAD AND PRESS ONE BUTTON NOW.

GOOD. THANKS VERY MUCH. I HOPE YOU’LL FIND IT INTERESTING WE’LL FIND IT VERY HELPFUL TO US.

THIS IS A COMPUTER TALKING TO YOU. I CAN ASK YOU QUESTIONS BUT I CAN ONLY UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ANSWERS. SO YOU CAN ONLY TALK TO ME BY PUSHING EITHER THE ‘YES’, ‘NO’ OR ‘?’ BUTTON. YOU SHOULD ONLY PRESS THE ‘?’ BUTTON IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION I AM ASKING YOU. NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING I’VE SAID UP TO NOW? PUSH ONE OF THE BUTTONS? 0

THANKS. NOW I WANT TO ASK YOU ONE OR TWO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY YOU ARE HERE. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS IS ALL IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE JUST AS WITH DOCTORS. ONLY DOCTORS AND NURSES WILL SEE YOUR ANSWERS. ARE YOU QUITE HAPPY ABOUT THIS? PUSH ONE OF THE BUTTONS? 0

GOOD. BY THE WAY. DON’T FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE BUTTON THE VERY INSTANT THAT I HAVE FINISHED TYPING. IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO THINK A BIT BEFORE YOU ANSWER, OR NEED TO READ THE QUESTION OVER AGAIN THEN GO AHEAD AND DO SO. TAKE YOUR TIME IF YOU WANT TO. REMEMBER, HOWEVER, THAT I CAN’T TALK TO YOU AGAIN UNTIL YOU HAVE PUSHED ONE OF THE BUTTONS.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL THEN, IS ONE OF THE REASONS YOU VISITED
YOUR DOCTOR BECAUSE YOU WERE SUFFERING FROM DISCOMFORT OR PAINS IN THE STOMACH? 0

COULD YOU TELL ME HAS THE PAIN OR DISCOMFORT BEEN CONTINOUS SINCE IT STARTED? PRESS ONE OF THE BUTTONS? 1

I’D JUST LIKE TO BE QUITE CERTAIN OF THIS POINT. HAVE YOU HAD TIMES, DAYS OR WEEKS WHEN YOU’VE BEEN COMPLETELY FREE OF THE PAIN? 0

I SEE. TELL ME IS THE DISCOMFORT RELATED TO TAKING FOOD - DOES EATING HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT? PUSH ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’? 0

WHEN YOU HAVE THE PAIN OR DISCOMFORT DO YOU GET RELIEF FROM INDIGESTION TABLETS OR LIQUID MEDICINES?
PRESS ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’? 1

TELL ME DOES THE PAIN EVER WAKE YOU IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING? PLEASE PUSH ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’? 1

NOW I’D LIKE YOU TO THINK RATHER CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE NEXT QUESTION. JUST IMAGINE THAT I ASK YOU TO POINT OUT THE AREA WHERE YOU FEEL THE PAIN IN YOUR STOMACH - NOW CAN THE AREA BEST BE INDICATED WITH ONE OR TWO FINGERS, OR WITH THE FLAT OF THE HAND.
IF WITH ONE OR TWO FINGERS, PRESS ‘YES’
IF WITH THE FLAT OF THE HAND, PRESS ‘NO’
IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, PRESS ‘?’? 1

I EXPECT YOU KNOW WHERE THE NAVEL IS, BUT I WANT TO BE QUITE SURE ABOUT THIS. PUSH ‘YES’ IF YOU KNOW WHERE THE NAVEL. IS AND ‘NO’ IF YOU DON’T KNOW? 0

NO
WELL, SOME PEOPLE CALL IT THE BELLY BUTTON. NOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?

OK. NOW IS THE PAIN OR DISCOMFORT. WHEN YOU GET IT. MAINLY ABOVE THE NAVEL? THINK CAREFULLY AND PUSH ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’? 0

THANK YOU. I NOW NEED TO FIND OUT WHETHER THE PAIN OR DISCOMFORT IS TO THE LEFT OR RIGHT OF YOUR STOMACH, OR WHETHER IT LIES GENERALLY IN THE CENTRE (WHICH WE CALL THE MIDLINE), AND I WILL ASK YOU ONE OR TWO QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS. FIRST OF ALL DOES IT LIE ON THE MIDLINE? PUSH ‘YES’ IF IT DOES, AND ‘NO’ IF IT DOESN’T? 0

WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU WERE EATING NORMALLY THESE DAYS? BY NORMALLY, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE A REASONABLY GOOD APPETITE?
PRESS ONE BUTTON NOW? 0

WELL YOU ARE BEING VERY HELPFUL SO FAR AND I WOULD NOW LIKE TO ASK SOME MORE QUESTIONS. I HOPE YOU STILL FIND THIS INTERESTING. IF YOU DO PUSH THE ‘YES’ BUTTON, BUT IF YOU ARE GETTING BORED, PUSH THE ‘NO’ BUTTON? 0

IN THIS PRESENT ILLNESS HAVE YOU HAD ANY VOMITING? PUSH ‘YES’ IF YOU HAVE AND ‘NO’ IF NOT? 0

COULD YOU TELL ME, WHEN YOU VOMIT DO YOU BRING UP FOOD? 1

DO YOU SOMETIMES FIND THAT YOUR MOUTH UNEXPECTEDLY FILLS UP WITH A FLUID? PUSH ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’ PLEASE? 0

IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE THIS LIQUID OR FLUID WOULD YOU SAY IT WAS CLEAR AND TASTED SALTY? 0

DOES THE FLUID EVER HAVE A BITTER OR ACID TASTE? PRESS ‘YES’ IF IT DOES, AND ‘NO’ IF NOT? 0

THANK YOU, WE ARE GETTING ON VERY WELL AND I HAVE ONLY ONE OR TWO MORE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOU. NOW I EXPECT YOU KNOW WHAT HEARTBURN IS. IT IS PERHAPS BEST DESCRIBED AS A BURNING FEELING, BEHIND THE LOWER END OF YOUR BREASTBONE. TELL ME, DO YOU SUFFER FROM HEARTBURN A LOT? 0

DO YOU TEND TO GET AN ACID FLUID COMING INTO
YOUR MOUTH AFTER EATING FOOD? ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’? 0

VERY WELL. DO YOU TEND TO GET AN ACID FLUID IN
YOUR THROAT, WHEN YOU LIE DOWN AT NIGHT OR WHEN YOU CHANGE YOUR BODY POSITION, SUCH AS STOOPING, GARDENING, LIFTING SOMETHING HEAVY? IF YOU DO PUSH THE ‘YES’ BUTTON, IF NOT PUSH THE ‘NO’ BUTTON? 1

NOW A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT. IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS HAVE YOU LOST RATHER A LOT OF WEIGHT, SAY OVER HALF A STONE, WITHOUT DELIBERATELY SLIMMING? PRESS ‘YES’ IF YOU HAVE, AND
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‘NO’ IF NOT? 0

ONE FINAL QUESTION, WHICH I WOULD LIKE YOU TO THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT. HAVE ANY MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY - YOUR FATHER, MOTHER, UNCLES, AUNTS, BROTHERS OR SISTERS - EVER SUFFERED FROM STOMACH OR DUODENAL ULCERS AS FAR AS YOU KNOW? IF ANY OF THEM HAVE HAD AN ULCER, PRESS ‘YES’, IF THEY HAVEN’T PRESS ‘NO’? 1

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT’S ALL I WANT TO ASK YOU. THANKS FOR BEING SO HELPFUL. IN A SECOND THE PAPER WILL START TO UNROLL AND WHEN IT STOPS PLEASE TEAR IT OFF AND HAND IT TO THE NURSE OUTSIDE. GOODBYE.