Aborted
Do not think I have given her up,
For I will hold this thought in my heart forever.
Do not say I have made a mistake,
A mistake is not felt so deeply as this.
Do not skirt the matter when we speak,
I can see the questions you are burning to ask.
Do not say that I have sinned,
The guilt is already unbearable without your righteousness.
Do not advise me as to what you would have done,
It is easier in imagination.
Do not criticise me,
I hate myself for doing what I thought best.
Do not say I have wasted a life,
My own life is wasting away in her wake.
Do not put your arms around me,
Your touch is icy and uncaring.
Do not say you understand,
Until you have retraced my footsteps and felt it yourself.
Do not try to comfort me,
Silence is the best company I can have.
Silence does not correct or console
The atrocity I have committed.
I am left drained and fatigued,
To lose myself in self-pity
And let my mind tiptoe in circles,
Searching for a conclusion.
Her presence is around me,
She is in every swell I breathe.
Her laugh echoes around my head,
She occupies my every thought and dream.
‘Do not think I have given you up’,
I plead,
To the little girl that might have been.
She is now just a figment of my imagination,
But I will hold her in my heart forever.
Page(s) 92-93
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