Poetry Magazines - The best collection of poetry magazines online - Simon Armitage

Poetry Library Southbank Centre - The Poetry Library housing the Arts Council Collection at Southbank Centre

« Previous item
Contents of this issue
Next item »

Andy Croft

print this page

Mudfog Declares War On Tourism

The Mayor of Mudfog said today
   He pledged his full support
To fight the Tourists all the way,
And would outlaw without delay
   Hawaiian shirt and short.

“No hiding place for Tourists here!”
   The mayor of Mudfog cried,
“Our way of life will disappear,
The values that we most hold dear,
   If we just stand aside.”

The Tourist menace thus was met
   With Anti-Tourist laws,
To stop the foreign Tourist threat
And catch all those within the net
   Who live beyond these shores.

We started burning A-Zs
   And outlawed phrase-book phrases,
And burned the Tourists in their beds
And shot all those with crew-cut heads
   And sent them all to blazes.

We stopped the evil Tourist lot
   And shackled them in chains,
We smashed their cameras on the spot
To make quite sure that they would not
   Try Tourism again.

And now that they have run away
   And all the world is glad,
The Mayor of Mudfog left today
To start a five week holiday
   In Kabul and Baghdad.

(Andy Croft, Middlesbrough)
Back to top