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Christine May Turner

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Yorkshire Fish-Cakes?

Duz mi bum look big in this,
or am ah just too fat?
D'ya think aye gorra big 'ead,
or do ah just need a bigger 'at?
Sumdy said ah look like Francis Albert,
Owd blue eyes, 'did it 'is way,' Frank!
He'd a looked cool in a tank-top -
I wunt look cool in a tank,
Burrin a tank that woh fulla fish
and deep, cool watter o' blue.
If I ‘ad my way, just one wish,
ah’d be a mermaid - ah wud, its true,
then mi big bum'd be scales
an ah wunt aye t' watch mi weight,
'cos instedda legs fish 'ave fins 'n tails
'n thi dunt ave t' watch wot they ate –
though they may end up in plastic pails,
waitin' t’ be battered an’ fried,
or in crispy bread-crumbed fishfingers,
wi’ a few golden chips on t'side.
Ooh, on second thoughts, all that water
behind all that clear flippin' glass,
it kinda magnifies, meks things bigger, sorta,
Me, be a ruddy mermaid? - Ah think ah’l pass!

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