Paul Groves
In the Club
Dave is pregnant. He has been inseminated by lager.
We guessed it might happen. Those trips to the British Legion
finally paid off; regular unprotected drinking
reaps its reward. Yet he seems proud of his profile
beneath the Benidorm paternity shirt. During these special days
he can dream of the years ahead, how his habit
might turn out, whether he will be the grandfather
of double chins. Women get it over with quickly.
For Dave such expectancy is like a Christmas puppy:
a gift for life. I pat him on the shoulder, careful not to ask
when the big event might be. Mothers-in-waiting knit
bootees and provide a layette; Dave plays darts unconcernedly.
The room’s fug will, he feels, not distress the unborn;
nor will his nightly pie-and-chips lie too heavily
on his diaphragm. Is he preparing a name for it,
or will he wait to discover what it is before committing himself?
I don’t ask him that either.
We guessed it might happen. Those trips to the British Legion
finally paid off; regular unprotected drinking
reaps its reward. Yet he seems proud of his profile
beneath the Benidorm paternity shirt. During these special days
he can dream of the years ahead, how his habit
might turn out, whether he will be the grandfather
of double chins. Women get it over with quickly.
For Dave such expectancy is like a Christmas puppy:
a gift for life. I pat him on the shoulder, careful not to ask
when the big event might be. Mothers-in-waiting knit
bootees and provide a layette; Dave plays darts unconcernedly.
The room’s fug will, he feels, not distress the unborn;
nor will his nightly pie-and-chips lie too heavily
on his diaphragm. Is he preparing a name for it,
or will he wait to discover what it is before committing himself?
I don’t ask him that either.
Page(s) 27
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