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Chris Herzberg

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I Want A Man

I want a man who is quiet in the mornings
Who doesn’t bring me tea in bed
Because I don’t like tea in bed

I want a man who does not look at me beyond
                                                          recognition
When he sees me without make-up for the first time
He must lie and tell me I’m beautiful
Without it

I want a man who is a good cook
But also cleans his mess up afterwards
And washes up

I want a man who is intelligent
But not so arrogantly intelligent he makes me
Feel thick

I want a man who can clean the house
And put up shelves and decorate
Because I can’t

I want a man who can service my car
And wash it and do the gardening
All at the same time

I want a man who earns lots of money
And loves to spend it on me

I want a man who leaves orchids on
My desk at 7 in the morning
Without a note

I want a man who is a wow at parties
But never looks at other women

I want a man who makes love to me slowly
And understands when I don’t want to
It’s because I’m tired, not because I don’t love him

I want a man who doesn’t mind being woken
                                                     at 4 in the morning
If I want to make love to him again
But knows he must not wake me at 4 in the morning
For any purpose whatsoever

I want a man
Who can get on with my mother.
No. That’s asking too much.

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