Never Kiss a Fat Girl
I’m not talking about the pleasingly plump,
I’m talking about the ready-for-slaughtering,
government-inspected variety,
one of which I ended up with the other night.
It was my first night out in a while
and I’m afraid I grossly overdid the old libations.
The girl (like Everest, in more senses than one)
was simply there.
At closing I escorted her to her car
and then I made one of the larger mistakes of my life:
I got in the car.
After a few minutes she drew away and said,
“You’ll have to go easy with me;
I’ve been faithful to my husband for six years.”
I said that was okay
and went back at the tits.
There was something unusual about them though;
even in the condition I was in I could tell that.
The mystery was solved when she drew away again
and said, “I don’t have any nipples.”
That called for some sort of a policy statement on my part
and I guess what I said was that it didn’t matter,
but that was an abject lie
because one of the things that turns me on most
is playing with a girl's nipples
and furthermore this particular girl
was pretty much all tit to begin with.
So I got out of the car shortly thereafter
and the next morning the throbbing in my temples
was the least of my headaches.
Now I run into her at every turn,
the food machines, outside the men’s room,
lurking in the parking lot
and skulking by the elevators.
She left me a note today
inquiring if I wouldn’t like
to take her to the movies.
I try to treat her with civility
but I know that her wrath will not be mollified
until she’s left scar tissues
where my own erectile tissue used to be.
Page(s) 32
magazine list
- Features
- zines
- 10th Muse
- 14
- Acumen
- Agenda
- Ambit
- Angel Exhaust
- ARTEMISpoetry
- Atlas
- Blithe Spirit
- Borderlines
- Brando's hat
- Brittle Star
- Candelabrum
- Cannon's Mouth, The
- Chroma
- Coffee House, The
- Dream Catcher
- Equinox
- Erbacce
- Fabric
- Fire
- Floating Bear, The
- French Literary Review, The
- Frogmore Papers, The
- Global Tapestry
- Grosseteste Review
- Homeless Diamonds
- Interpreter's House, The
- Iota
- Journal, The
- Lamport Court
- London Magazine, The
- Magma
- Matchbox
- Matter
- Modern Poetry in Translation
- Monkey Kettle
- Moodswing
- Neon Highway
- New Welsh Review
- North, The
- Oasis
- Obsessed with pipework
- Orbis
- Oxford Poetry
- Painted, spoken
- Paper, The
- Pen Pusher Magazine
- Poetry Cornwall
- Poetry London
- Poetry London (1951)
- Poetry Nation
- Poetry Review, The
- Poetry Salzburg Review
- Poetry Scotland
- Poetry Wales
- Private Tutor
- Purple Patch
- Quarto
- Rain Dog
- Reach Poetry
- Review, The
- Rialto, The
- Second Aeon
- Seventh Quarry, The
- Shearsman
- Smiths Knoll
- Smoke
- South
- Staple
- Strange Faeces
- Tabla Book of New Verse, The
- Thumbscrew
- Tolling Elves
- Ugly Tree, The
- Weyfarers
- Wolf, The
- Yellow Crane, The