Paddy Zimmerman
Manhattan
The militia issued two turnips. All the families in Covasna were allowed just two turnips. You had to tie them in the window with a piece of willow so the officer could see; then he might allow you to eat them. Of course, it was a stupid rule. What prevented somebody hoarding turnips in the barn for instance? The militia men never stepped in anyone’s barn. We were a superstitious people and a transgression on that kind of scale could only invite calamity.
As was custom, the militia stopped checking the windows. Covasnans obedient by nature, became ingenious. We hollowed out the turnips and burned linseed inside them to ease our arthritis. These burners became a sensation. Lucescu, a hoarder, exported 240 to Lvov and bought a charabanc. He offered day rides to Brasov for which we paid him in turnips and the whole process started over again.
A bifocaled ecologist without aid of a compass, once paid us a visit to compile a report. He thought he’d arrived in Manhattan and had never seen so many cars offering rides. Greenpeace mocked him for years afterward and pinned grapes to his head as a little light punishment. Just wait and see how this soon catches on.
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