Angela Topping
Things She Lost
Mother gave the dollshouse
to neighbours' children. She had
so much, they so little. All the same
it shocked her, seeing it there.
Mother might've asked.
She lost her hamster. One night
it squeezed between the bars
of its home and vanished.
A taste for freedom given it
by too much play.
She lost her friend, kissing him.
He became Boyfriend.
Two years later he left her
for a younger woman.
It wouldn't have worked.
Next thing to go was virginity.
She didn't miss it, wondered why
she'd bothered holding on so long,
fear, probably, or the monster, trust.
Her figure went missing,
holding in the world;
flat stomach turned to globe.
First one child, then another.
Lost herself in motherhood.
Miniature lips open to bite
her breast and answer back.
Hands cling to hers, then
one day want their freedom.
One by one old selves
were rinsed away with the mornings,
lines on her face. Long ago
she lost her parents, watching them
become strangers, knowing death.
She let her grasp slip
from smaller things - that china
biscuit barrel with pie frilled lid;
scrapbook of citrus wrappers
handed in at junior school,
lost in some stockroom.
So many days not worth remembering.
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- Second Aeon
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- Yellow Crane, The