Jeff Calhoun
On Realizing I Could Never Have an Only Child
Twins build a sand castle at the shore, their hands
miniature bulldozers and cranes
erecting houses that cannot last.
In the parking lot, I brush crumbs
from my orange vest onto the asphalt
littered with chain-smoked cigarettes.
I am a chimney the twins engineered
in the shape of a mouth.
When I was twelve,
Mom passed something alien out of her body.
The doctor said anencephaly,
traced the outline of a half-formed skull.
A surgeon shut off Dad
like he was plumbing and it was winter.
I grasp for my hard hat.
The image of a wrecking ball
reflects off the side mirrors of a Dodge.
The brothers laugh and I am pulled under
like a wave rushing in to erase what it can
and drag the rest away.
Jeff Calhoun’s writing credits include Mannequin Envy, Mimesis, Blood Orange Review, Stirring, 2River, and Triplopia. His second digital chapbook, How to Make Yourself a Small Target was joint-winner of the 2008 Mimesis Chapbook Initiative.
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