Poetry Magazines - The best collection of poetry magazines online - Simon Armitage

Poetry Library Southbank Centre - The Poetry Library housing the Arts Council Collection at Southbank Centre

« Previous item
Contents of this issue
Next item »

Sue Butler

print this page

In the Background

On the answerphone you speak like Caesar.
Say your name as though it is something you hold dear,
which it is, having almost lost it.
‘Marcus’, you say, ‘is not here at present’....
And you are not.  But most likely you are,
in the dark room, in the background.

And it is tough, this loving you.
Like a constant documentary, where kids,
go outward bound, to stop them turning to crime.
Says their teacher, ‘This is not a holiday,
this is about your life’.  And make no mistake, it is.
It is about mine too.

Not because you have got me reading Dylan.
On the train, at the station, in the crypt cafe,
when I should be at work, but cannot face it.
Not because I used to hug you and now you hug me.
Or that like a stray cat, I know you are fed elsewhere,
tap others for lunch and cigarettes.

Not even because when the cheques do come in
you make jokes about being Shylock.
The same way you joke about being hard.
Once you almost told me the truth
but stopped yourself.  In time not to say it
but too late to stop me knowing.

It is about your life, because when it stops raining,
that is all there is.  And mine, however incidental.
Indistinguishable after a couple of pints,
late night cinema and pizza.  So I speak slowly.
Say my name with the same care as you say yours.
Listen for you listening, in the dark room, in the background.

Make no mistake.
It is tough, this loving you.

Back to top