Poetry Magazines - The best collection of poetry magazines online - Simon Armitage

It is eleven o’clock in the morning and the man who is to be married at midday leaves his home in top hat and tails, walks briskly to the rail station and purchases a second-class ticket. At 11.15 he boards a train and finds a comfortable seat in a crowded compartment. Glancing at his watch, he calculates that he will reach his destination at 11.35. He thinks: it’s only a short walk from the station to the church, so I’ll arrive with minutes to spare.

   At 11.19 a dwarf with a wrinkled face enters the compartment
and sits opposite the groom. The dwarf, who is clutching a black
box with both hands, glances at the man and says, ‘Good morning.
Allow me to congratulate you!’

   ‘Thank you,’ says the groom.

   ‘Marriage is a veritable mystery,’ adds the dwarf.

   ‘Oh, I don’t expect any surprises. I have known my fiancée since she was a child.’

   ‘Even so, marriage is the happiest day in a man’s life.’

   ‘You are married?’ asks the man, astonished.

   ‘Of course! Would you like to meet my wife? She’s right here,’
says the dwarf, placing the box on the groom’s lap and grinning
enigmatically.

   There is a glass section on one side of the box. The man brings
an eye to the glass and gazes upon the moving picture of a young
woman with long voluptuous hair and laughing eyes.

   ‘She’s three feet taller than I,’ says the dwarf, ‘but she loves me.’

   ‘Strange,’ the groom mutters, ‘she seems to be undressing.’

   ‘The more you look, the more fascinating she becomes.’

   The man peers into the box again and again, while the dwarf’s
wife unveils her feminine secrets. Before long, the groom realises
that the dwarf’s wife is the most beautiful woman he has ever cast
eyes on.

   At 11.35 the train pulls into a station and the groom gets ready
to descend. But it strikes him that the passengers are looking at
him in alarm. He glances at the dwarf, extends a hand in farewell
and is surprised to hear himself say:

   ‘May I see your wife one last time?’

   ‘My pleasure,’ says the dwarf, passing him the box.

   While the groom stands gazing at the seductive charms of the lady-in-the-box, the train pulls out of the station and the passengers burst into hilarious applause. The man looks up, perplexed.

   ‘You’ve missed your stop,’ explains the dwarf, ‘but if you get off
at the next station you can double back. Naturally, you’ll be a little
late for your wedding…’

   At 11.55 the train pulls into the next station and the groom imagines his sweetheart waiting at the altar in her intricately patterned wedding dress. Suddenly, a guard marches into the compartment and addresses the man in an ominous tone:

   ‘Sir, I advise you to leave this train at once. You may not get
another chance!’

   ‘The more you look,’ says the dwarf, ‘the more ravishing she
becomes.’