The feeling of not belonging (for Amanda)
‘- the flight of lacewings is a leisurely, gentle business which would be a highly dangerous undertaking if they were not crepuscular and nocturnal in habit’ Insects, E F Linssen
She feels like smoke on earth,
among the slow clumsiness
of people’s lives. She knows
they never knew the slight
when they told her, she imagines
their ache, their feeling cheated
at her birth. Behind her eyes
she watches the world, sees
her children become themselves,
her husband’s hands knead bread,
who in their eyes she is.
The dim force of shadows
spreads between trees. Lacewings
with lustrous eyes lift beyond
the gold gaze of the sun,
move in slow silence in the time
of withering leaves to hide indoors,
Their own pale green begins to fade
reddens, while between seasons,
between breaths, they do not move
or sleep or die.
Next spring she will break bread,
pour wine before the people, stand
to weigh her slightness
against the ponderous world,
She will welcome each, smile
for each new name, baptise
with water which twists from light
shapes and shades which break
and shatter light.
Page(s) 28-29
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