Life According to Clarkson
If life was like an Alfa-Romeo,
it would be one long evening promenade,
heads turning to watch my progress;
a triumph of style over substance,
but with a body to die for.
If life was like a BMW,
I’d cruise along its autobahns
with efficiency and ease. Nothing
to trouble my air of superiority, except
strange urges to invade Poland.
If life was like a Jaguar,
I would purr past all obstacles,
sleek and serene in feline grace,
confident that, if cornered,
I could bite back.
If life was like a 4x4,
I’d bully my way to the head of the queue
fending aside less fortunate folk,
look down on the world from a smug cocoon
with a carbon footprint the size of Wales.
But life is really like a Lada:
full of odd and unsuspected knocks,
the future unseen through clouds of smoke.
Women laugh as I pass by and,
every now and then, the wheels fall off.
Page(s) 49
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