Comic
A stand-up comic is for life not just for Christmas,
and that’s what we really believed when
he arrived and made festive our season.
The children were happier than they’d ever been
and we certainly watched less tv than was our custom.
But in time we tired of him following us round the house,
being blue in the bedroom,
lavatorial in the bathroom,
sexist in the kitchen,
worst was the observational stuff, pointed and personal -
our paintings, our clothes, our cd collection -
Wendy I said perhaps we should be grateful,
perhaps he’s helping us to greater self awareness
but when he turned on our daughter and her new brace,
well, you’ve got to be able to trust them with the children,
haven’t you?
Besides this was February now,
month of bills and coming in knackered.
And then one night he died.
A remark about washing-up liquid
(why lemon-fresh, why not some other fruit,
or even a vegetable, what’s so fresh about a lemon,
I’ve seen mouldy lemons before now...)
no-one laughed
and he went out and buried himself in the garden.
I’ve heard that in Newcastle they eat stand-up comics.
I think that is disgusting.
Page(s) 39
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