Rituals for A.C.
I thought you were selfish.
You skipped every crack, broke the rhythm
of our chatter. I didn’t catch your fear
of falling in, didn’t see each narrow split
as a threat that could swallow you
with touch. You thought I was generous.
Each morning on the way to school, I let you spit –
discreetly. I looked away but you tried my patience, spat more
often each day, as if swells rose from hidden depths
and rushed to the roof of your mouth, spreading your lips
into a perpetual oh.
I lacked your imagination,
couldn’t conceive of these as desperate
measures to clear your throat – of night.
When Mother finally agreed to ask you
to supper, you threw a fit, ran home in a panic
to collect your fork and knife. We watched you
chew each bite seven times. You seemed not to notice
my shame. Later, Mother whispered, She’s an odd one,
as you stood by and watched her rinse the day’s dark shadows
from my neck. And when I stepped, refreshed,
from the tub’s residue, you looked perplexed
and leaned into the sink, scrubbing furiously, but the soap
kept slipping from your grip. Our eyes met
and yours confessed a fear of running
out of habits. We watched clear water rinse nothing
down the drain.
And I knew you were brave.
Page(s) 43
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