I Suppose You Think It's Clever
When the first empty Bells rings into the wagger
hours before bed,
and you can still cross the room with hardly a stagger,
and a clearish head,
you know you're in trouble. In fact you're a case
— this you is me —
soddenly trying to stare explanations square in the face
(though you're wanting to pee).
For one thing, she promised to call before eight.
It's half past now —
if she doesn't love you enough, if that's why she's late,
you're due for a row
(which will make matters worse, of course). Then, for another,
there's work -
so persistently bruising the spirit, you wonder: why do you bother?
You must be a berk.
But these are the easy answers, everyone knows.
What really burns
as time flashes past like light off a bottle, and goes,
and never returns,
is your fear of death — your family's death, your friends', your own —
so you increase the dose
evening by evening, half to stave off the blank you can feel in your bones,
half to hurry it close.
Page(s) 7
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