The Conversation They Never Had
I don’t think today is a day for talking.
It isn’t a day for putting down
cards on tables, for telling each other
we’ve no more tricks up our sleeves. It’s not
an honest-looking day. I don’t trust it.
Some time next week, perhaps?
The evening preferably, when both of us
are tired. We’re sitting on the red sofa,
side by side. You put your feet up
on the coffee table, comfortably; my hand
shakes just a little as I lift my cup. When
you speak I listen with closed eyes,
my hearing so sharpened I may even catch
the bat-squeak of truth. After you’ve had
your say, I have mine. It’s long,
and you listen quietly, looking
as if you loved me. This makes me blush.
I’m not saying any of this will actually
happen. It’s just a suggestion you’re free
to dismiss. Something to think about
when you’re driving to work or talking to her
from the telephone booth at the end
of our street. Last time you did that
I wanted to burn down the house.
Do you think I don’t know? Do you think
it’s invisible? Even your body has changed.
You walk around the house in your Y-fronts,
you look at yourself in mirrors, you make a lot
of noise on the stairs. It’s awful to watch
your secret joy. Put out a hand and help
me, darling. If you could just get me through
the wall of the house, just set me down
outside, I might be able to walk away
and not look back, my unused words
left behind, my breath miraculously saved.
Page(s) 24-25
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