Shapcott, Motion
Bollocks
A moving story from The Guardian recently. ‘Quark’, a poem by Jo Shapcott, risked being banned from London Underground because it contained the word “bollocks”. The subject of the poem is, in Shapcott’s own words, “the fizz and power of language”. On a more mundane level, the poem is about a scientist who discovers a talking quark. “‘Bollocks’, said the quark, from its aluminium/ nacelle. I don’t need no dodgy/ crypto-human strategising my future.” The quark then announces its plans to “down-size under the coco-plum” with some blue marimbas, “play with speaking quarklike”, and “deflower the passing gravitons”. Alas, the poem has upset the powers-that-be. Shapcott tells The Guardian it is “every poet’s dream to be on the Underground”. That this glittering prize should have been snatched away from such an ambitious poet is tragic indeed.
Long Live the Poet Laureate (until his tenure runs out)!
It is a cause for regret that critics have not shown proper dignity in the wake of Andrew Motion’s appointment as Poet Laureate. Let it never be said that this contributor has mounted the bandwagon. On the contrary, my intention is to warn readers about scurrilous poems on this very subject. A privately-produced pamphlet by a certain “Lord Biro” (a shady figure with a Nottingham postmark) contains a particularly unsavoury instance: “I’ve just passed/ A. Motion// at the foot/ of the Queen”. What follows is too appalling to print. Another example, written by “Alexandra Pope” and titled ‘On the Appointment of a Poet Laureate in the Last Year of the Twentieth Century’, has passed through various hands before arriving on my desk:
The crown, diminished by its quarrel
With post-colonial taste,
Reached for a polished English pearl
Adroitly made of paste.
Paste or no, I think Andrew Motion is a very polished poet, who will do a fine job.
Editor’s Note: Anonymous contributions within the law are always welcome.
Page(s) 98
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