Tolstoy in the Bathroom
Tolstoy loves the bathroom,
locks himself in whole mornings,
his muffled baritone of Russian song
filling our home, as Tolstoy empties
half a bottle of shampoo in one go,
smears his armpits and chest
with massive dollops of strawberry
shower gel, burns all the aromatherapy
oils at once and whole packs
of joss sticks, scrubs his fat tummy
with a long-handled bath-brush
while tackling his shoulder with the loofah.
His footprints splatter the bath-mat,
all the brighter for the talcum powder
outline and although he doesn't shave,
he sprinkles aftershave on his shirts,
billows himself in a cloud of Java,
three toothbrushes now in the bathroom,
toothpaste, he eats it, we think.
He loves the smell of himself
asks us to breathe it.
locks himself in whole mornings,
his muffled baritone of Russian song
filling our home, as Tolstoy empties
half a bottle of shampoo in one go,
smears his armpits and chest
with massive dollops of strawberry
shower gel, burns all the aromatherapy
oils at once and whole packs
of joss sticks, scrubs his fat tummy
with a long-handled bath-brush
while tackling his shoulder with the loofah.
His footprints splatter the bath-mat,
all the brighter for the talcum powder
outline and although he doesn't shave,
he sprinkles aftershave on his shirts,
billows himself in a cloud of Java,
three toothbrushes now in the bathroom,
toothpaste, he eats it, we think.
He loves the smell of himself
asks us to breathe it.
magazine list
- Features
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- 10th Muse
- 14
- Acumen
- Agenda
- Ambit
- Angel Exhaust
- ARTEMISpoetry
- Atlas
- Blithe Spirit
- Borderlines
- Brando's hat
- Brittle Star
- Candelabrum
- Cannon's Mouth, The
- Chroma
- Coffee House, The
- Dream Catcher
- Equinox
- Erbacce
- Fabric
- Fire
- Floating Bear, The
- French Literary Review, The
- Frogmore Papers, The
- Global Tapestry
- Grosseteste Review
- Homeless Diamonds
- Interpreter's House, The
- Iota
- Journal, The
- Lamport Court
- London Magazine, The
- Magma
- Matchbox
- Matter
- Modern Poetry in Translation
- Monkey Kettle
- Moodswing
- Neon Highway
- New Welsh Review
- North, The
- Oasis
- Obsessed with pipework
- Orbis
- Oxford Poetry
- Painted, spoken
- Paper, The
- Pen Pusher Magazine
- Poetry Cornwall
- Poetry London
- Poetry London (1951)
- Poetry Nation
- Poetry Review, The
- Poetry Salzburg Review
- Poetry Scotland
- Poetry Wales
- Private Tutor
- Purple Patch
- Quarto
- Rain Dog
- Reach Poetry
- Review, The
- Rialto, The
- Second Aeon
- Seventh Quarry, The
- Shearsman
- Smiths Knoll
- Smoke
- South
- Staple
- Strange Faeces
- Tabla Book of New Verse, The
- Thumbscrew
- Tolling Elves
- Ugly Tree, The
- Weyfarers
- Wolf, The
- Yellow Crane, The