Father
The instance of your death after your first death
dragged the map of my childhood
into dogged relief again - my fugitive years.
Your drunken evangelism
sounding up the street after the pubs shut;
how your fevered tyranny
squandered the fancy of my infancy -
old nick; loggerhead.
Dead, and with that my journey spread -
spun me the four directions
until the pull of the iron
stopped me in my tracks, on my side of the track;
afterwards the metal in my blood
moved me a further north.
Your burial was a grim affair -
I buried a ghost; relatives settled scores
behind gritted teeth and scripted smiles.
After your wake I stayed a week -
left mother mourning, crooked and black robed
running a rosary through her fingers.
Lately I have looked for you
in the faces of strangers - have dreamed you a dad;
smiling at your grandchildren, saying please.
Six months before your death
you could have said we were together;
the old dictator going to seed, the penitent,
sharing a pint, a laugh, coming to terms -
father and son, and not afraid to say it.
Page(s) 19
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